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June 28th, 2012

(no subject)

I've felt really strange for the past couple of days. Today, for example, I'm bored out of my brains. This never happens. This never happens because I make sure of it. When I get bored my brain over thinks things. I usually end up a complete mess by the end of this.

I'm sick and tired of an awful lot of things and of an awful lot of people. They bitch and moan about everything and anything like I should give a fuck and it does my head in.

This morning I opened up my store to find the shop in an absolute mess. Teas hadn't faced forward, stickered or put stock away and had only served 19 people do I don't know what else she can possibly have been busy with - it certainly wasn't with the presentation of the shop! And to think, I've been rushing to other peoples stores and sorting them out on a sales assistant wage when tess can't even be arsed to look after her own shop! Needless to say, I started off my day very angry.
But there was something else wrong. I was shaking right through my body like I never had before. My stomach was trembling. And, honestly, I could have easily picked up a pair of scissors and stabbed someone in the face. It was scary. To feel like I could do that to someone whether theyd asked for it or not. It wasn't rage, it was something new. Like I was about to snap and collapse in a snivelling mess of tears and stay there for weeks.

I think it's something to do with him. I keep on seeing him everywhere. Well, not actually him, but his mannerisms mostly in other people. Which is worse than actually seeing him. Why am I imagining him? Is it a sign that something's going to happen? That he's suddenly going to reappear into my life and try to cause more damage? This. This is why it's worse. Because of my brain.
I wish there was some shot they could give me to get rid of him. Like they give people antibiotics for an infection, he's a disease, why isn't there something to lessen the effects?

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June 2012

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